A series of Renee Zellweger incidents have led me to believe that maybe I should just suck it up and admit that I look like her in a conceptual way. I don’t think I do but how can all these people be wrong? Following are a few (but not all) cases of mixed identity that illustrate my point:
1. I was sitting at the bar at Trusty’s on Capitol Hill with Dave S arguing about the hotness and the acting ability of various actors when he turned to the tubby ladies next to us and asked, “Who do you think is hotter, Hilary Swank or Renee Zellweger?” Each of their responses began with a meaningful nod in my direction. “Well, I can see why you’re asking it, I mean you DO look like Renee Zellweger, but Hilary Swank is a much better actress.”
2. A girlfriend and I arrived at the Rusty Rudder after a sun-prickled day at the beach and we circled around the bar to get our bearings—loud band, jello shots, Jagermeister. A slightly intoxicated fellow soon lobbed the first volley of the night. “Has anyone ever told you you look like Renee Zellweger?”
3. I visited a new boutique on my street that sells organic, free trade everything and the proprietor greeted me with, “Renee Zellweger just walked into our store!” It happened to be the day of his grand opening so there were many customers milling about as well as a news crew from a cable access television station. Everyone in the store perked up!
4. At a large, swanky Thanksgiving dinner party where I knew no one but the hostess, a refined woman of a certain age scrunched up her forehead while picking at her pumpkin cheesecake and wondered aloud, “You look like a Hollywood celebrity whose name I can’t remember.” I suggested, “Renee Zellwegger?” And she exclaimed, “Yes! That’s the one.” And others around the table chimed in, “You do look like Renee Zellweger!”
5. While helping me find a gift bag for some recent purchases, a gay store clerk pronounces, “You look just like Renee Zellweger!”